I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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