dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
