About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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