Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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