Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the liver wants what the liver wants
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
