I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
