He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
