he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I look better un-naked...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
