i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
