I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
