I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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