Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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