just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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