her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
