i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
