I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
