I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
