we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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