Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
