My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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