she looked like the bat from fern gully.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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