i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
