I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
