and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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