Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
