guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
