I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize