I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
