And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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