I cockslap morals
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
