well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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