Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
