Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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