fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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