Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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