Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
