We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
