Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
