U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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