God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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