stop calling my apartment porn island.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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