eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
