Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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