i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
