Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
