Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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