She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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