See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
