I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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