My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
