I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
