I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
