Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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