i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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