No awkward lesbian experiences without me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
