the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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