i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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