I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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