i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
