so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
