So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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