ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
