Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
